For many people life is a burden, a big effort, every day and every moment they have to prove their value, well not just their value, rather their right to exist.
It is not so much the experience and the knowledge from living that lead them to this situation. It’s rather an unconscious way of acting that comes from what they have been told during childhood.
Let’s face it, very few people respect children. Very few people take children seriously. And this is a recycling attitude, most people think that they need to make this effort for survival, for approval, for proving their value, and they get angry with the children who don’t actually think that they need to do the same.
Do you see here a self-preserving system of behavior? The people who need approval most, are exactly the people who hold the approval from the next generation.
Now we have two choices.
The first is to start fighting everyone who caused the problem, staying forever in a battle situation, bad mood, and of course no results.
The second choice is to take care of the solution. The solution we have inside us, and it seems to be obscured by the “problem” like the sun is hiding behind the clouds.
We have three tools for this and it is very easy to use them.
First tool. Reflect:
Every moment we can just see our attitude and our behavior towards the others, and especially the so-called weak ones (children, women, sensitive or shy people), immediately stop and reflect. Not “why did I do that”, this is a way of thinking that leads you back to the problem. Just observe yourself and stop the reproduction of the attitude there. Be the wall that stops the problem. Practice every day in every possible opportunity.
Second tool. Forgive:
Yes you are right; some people were mean to you, maybe even abusive. In your family, your school, your job, everywhere. With the first tool you found the way to stop this problem, now you need to undo it from your history. Not by punishing all these people but by forgiving them, as like it never happened. And if they didn’t change, if they go on, you don’t need to go and fight them in order to prove right, if you can avoid them just do it, if not keep forgiving every moment.
Third tool. Accept:
Maybe it’s more challenging than the other two, but it’s just a decision for every moment. Accept everyone exactly as they are! By judging, by trying to change people, by lecturing, you don’t solve any problem, you just try to control. By not accepting, again you reproduce the same pattern. Remember, someone didn’t accept you! You don’t need to agree with everybody, just let them be. This also needs practice, but with practice you can get perfect.
Now that you studied the three tools, what you need is just forget them and go on living. Don’t push yourself, don’t fight against your past. Be good to yourself. Just use these tools every time you can, and if you don’t manage don’t be angry with yourself, do it again next time.
See it as a game. This is the best way to get out of living life as a burden or an obligation.