awakeSacrifice is considered to be the ultimate proof of love anyone can offer. Music, literature, movies, fairy tales, art in general, but also religion and tradition talk about the sacrifice using the most inspired words.
But is it like this in reality?
My experience is completely different. Sacrifice is a tool for bonding people, for making someone belonging to you.

See all the parents what did they sacrifice for their children and what do they want from them afterwards.
Remember also the phrase “I gave you the best years of my life” and think what does this person want in return.
Sacrifice creates guilt. “I gave you so many,” means, “you gave me much less or nothing”. “I want nothing in return,” means, “I want you to feel guilty” or “you are worthless”.
The most important, all these clichés mean “I am better than you” or “you don’t deserve my kindness”.

As I mentioned in previous roadblocks, guilt is not a good base for a relationship of every kind, especially of a romantic one.

There is absolutely no need for sacrifice in any kind of relationship. The meaning of a relationship is “I accept you exactly as you are” and not “I want you to change (sacrifice) so I can take you” or “if you stay like this I will have to sacrifice”. If changes have to occur then there is no meaning in this relationship, it is a conditional love, if love at all.

Now you may ask what happens in extreme cases, like sickness or disability of every kind.
Of course, you can go on being with this person that needs you, if you do it out of love. If you don’t have to stop your life you can find every little, or big, opportunity to have joy and share it with this person.
If you need to sacrifice, let someone else do it. Or else you will just avoid living your life and you will use this disabled person as an excuse for this, trying to feel and show superior and making this person feel bad for stopping your life and freedom.

For many highly sensitive people (hsp) sacrifice has a special meaning. As children, they were “too sensitive”, which means that they experienced the need to be different, in order to be accepted, from their early years; and also the heavyweight of parents sacrifices, having to accept them as difficult children.
Children are helpless when facing this behavior, because they have no alternative.

Remember the tag line? “And not even a thank you!”

Well we can say it in advance: “Sacrifice? No, thank you!”

Love

Antonis

 

 

sadThere are many reasons for a sensitive person (hsp) to feel worthless, sometimes even that there is no reason or no right to exist. Most of these reasons have their roots in childhood.
I wrote many articles about the programming of the mind during childhood, and the results of it, all the phrases, judgments, rejections and accusations that create the conditions for low performance, fear of life, worthlessness or depression, especially to sensitive people.
The fact is that all these problems, no matter how deep they seem to be and how many difficulties they create, are reversible. All these troubles can be undone.

If these thoughts and emotions come to you often, you have to decide if you really want to shift. Not the decision to find out whose fault it is, this is something that you have already, and it just keeps you where you are. Either it’s the real person who “did this to you” or anyone else you decided that you are their victim.
The decision is to get out, to rediscover your worthiness and raise your self-esteem and your self-appreciation no matter what. I can help you on this, but YOU have to decide and YOU have to work. I can be only the co-driver.

Love

Antonis

model2Many people fall into the trap to take all the gifts of life as granted, and when they start losing them they lose the ground under their feet.

Beauty, wealth, health, luck, power, sensitivity, all these are just gifts that may come or may not.
They don't make you better person, and if you are missing them you are not a worse person.
If you think that these gifts will last forever you may base your happiness and high self-esteem more on the existence of these gifts and less on your right to be just the way they are.
The arrogance that comes from having these gifts appears because you think that they will last forever and also that by having them you are better persons. The result is that you hurt people around you by showing superiority to the others and by becoming snob or even hostile.

Often identification to these gifts leads you to false or even dangerous choices in your life.
All these gifts are external sources of “happiness” and they may disappear at any moment. Some of them, like beauty and health, will certainly go away slowly with age.
Identifying with them is like building on the sand.

It’s ok to enjoy these gifts. After all this is why they are gifts. Have fun with them, enjoy the benefits, share them with the surrounding people, especially with the ones you love.
But don’t identify with them.

What you really are, is much better and much more stable than these temporary gifts.

closup-coupleSuppressing emotions gives the exact opposite results from the desired ones. The reason for suppressing is that either you want your emotions to leave you in peace at this moment or because you don’t want, or cannot deal with them in general.

Most people have the feeling that by suppressing they get rid of the emotions. Making noise they push the fear away, being busy they avoid sadness, by moving all around they make anger disappear.
But whatever you suppress will return sooner or later.

Suppressing emotions that come from or in a relationship is like telling lies. Is like hiding always the truth.

The common way of dealing with emotions in a relationship is expressing or suppressing. Anger for example is destruction for a relationship either way. If you express it, and especially if you do it often, you have a relationship that is based on fighting and conflict. By suppressing it you create the conditions for guilt and separation.

To my opinion, in a relationship, the guilt that is coming from suppressing emotions, therefore sacrificing “for the sake of the relationship” is the best way to destroy this relationship, and live in hell as long as it lasts, sometimes too long.

Of course if you just avoid an emotion now and a few minutes later, when you have peace you deal with it, there is no problem, but my experience tells me that not even this is necessary.

Coaching can help you deal with them the moment they appear, without necessarily either expressing them and cause conflict and insecurity, or suppressing them and cause distance and guilt.

Coaching can help you change the way you deal with the emotions in general. Highly sensitive people need this more than everyone because holding on to emotions makes them really unhappy.

By removing all the heaviness and the drama from emotions, you can just live your life and enjoy your relationships in peace and joy.

And for those who think that life will be boring, I find it more boring to have to deal with the same fights, fears and anger constantly and with the same people. Freedom is boring only for the people who think that pain is the only way of living.

balarinaThere are lots of stories about famous or not so famous people with ADD and ADHD. Since these “disorders” are being mentioned a lot lately I think it's important to see as many aspects as possible.
My experience is that all people with learning difficulties are highly sensitive. If they were not having this fine-tuned nervous system they wouldn't face difficulties. They would just live “normally” without even thinking that something is wrong.
And there is nothing wrong, indeed. It's just that some people are different. There is no disorder, ADD and ADHD are not sicknesses, just labels.

To see the real meaning let's see some famous stories.

Thomas Edison, maybe the most well-known case, and the most fortunate.
He spent 12 weeks in a crowded, noisy classroom with a very impatient teacher. He was asking all kind of strange questions driving the teacher crazy. He was not able to focus on one thing, he was characterized as “addled” and had to leave school.
He was very fortunate because his mother acknowledged that he was different, and she gave him the right to be.
He studied at home with his mother's help and focused only on the things he wanted to. No disorder there.

If the “right medicine” existed then, someone else would invent all these great machines?

Albert Einstein did not fail in school, as many stories tell, but he never liked non-scientific lessons, like language, history etc. When he didn't have to take care of them he was the best student.

Hans Christian Andersen had great difficulties with education. He had been abused in order to “improve his character” and he couldn't learn. But his talent was about telling and writing stories, something that was strictly forbidden to him at school.

Alexander Graham Bell had also difficulties at school, he was absent-minded, and he had poor degrees.

The list of famous people with “disorders” is huge, actually almost all famous people who have done something important in their lives had and have difficulties, and with today's measures would be diagnosed as ADD or ADHD.

The quote of the title is coming from the story of Gillian Lynne who had serious problems at school due to hyperactivity. Her mother was taking her to specialists in order to help her “fit in”. One of them told her mother “Gillian is not sick, she is a dancer take her to a dance school”. Most specialists today would give her Ritalin and ask her to stay quiet. Gillian became one of the greatest dancers and later choreographers. She worked with Andrew Lloyd Weber and did the choreography for “Cats”, “Phantom of the opera” etc.

So don't believe everything you hear. ADD and ADHD people have other interests than the ones school tries to force them to have. They are not interested in doing something they don't like. They just don't know this when they are little children.
If your child has difficulties with school connect with other parents who have similar “problems”. Together you can put pressure on the school teachers to accept your children as they are!
But first YOU have to accept them as they are.
Find out what do they really like and help them to do it. Artist, technician, scientist, philosopher, writer, inventor, are also acceptable professions, they don't have to become all doctors and lawyers, unless they really like to be.

If you have difficulties dealing with your children don't take them to a doctor, ask help for yourself first. You may not know it but a life coach, especially one who works with sensitives, like I am, is the perfect support for you who want to learn how to accept your “different” child.
Children with this kind of sensitivity tend to develop a very egocentric personality later. Especially if as children they have to suppress it. This is part of their creativity. Accept it and let it develop smoothly and in a healthy way.

So there is no disorder. There is strength focused somewhere else. Find it on you and/or your children, this way you may make this world much better.

Apply for a free consultation. It's great to know that you are not alone!

rusty windowIs it still the finances?
Are you too busy? If yes with what?
Do you have to take care of someone who needs you?
Are you afraid?

I think that’s it. You are afraid of being exposed to judgment.
You know very well that everyone who comes out to live is exposed to judgment. If you are alive and in motion you are a target.
Do you prefer to keep hiding pretending to be dead in order to be safe? Is this a way to be safe?
Do you know who is judging? All these people who are afraid to live their lives, and stay aside looking at you with envy. Hating you for your being active.

Just use common sense. Either you will come out and live your life fully, expose yourself to pleasant and unpleasant things of this world, enjoy your power and your inspiration, get the benefits of this aliveness, or you will hide behind the curtains waiting for a safe moment to come out, a moment that will never come, or if it comes you will not take it because at that moment you will not be ready. 
Result? Other people live, you not!

Let me tell you something, you are not sensitive for nothing. Sensitivity is not your problem it’s your power. And no matter what they tell you about it, if you believe them the trouble is yours.
The power of your senses and your emotions are your tools to feel and understand the world better. You have the gift of being connected to the world. You have the gift of feeling every aspect of life.
And if all these feelings are still overwhelming, let me help you get in touch with them. You will see that they are your friends and not your enemies.

So are you going to enjoy your unique gift of sensitivity or you will avoid living again using it as an excuse for defending yourself?
If your decision is “YES, I will live this day, and the next one, and the rest of my life”, then apply for a free consultation to discuss how can you remove the small obstacles that you see as mountains.

And another thing. Do you know how many people are waiting for you to come out and inspire them? You will never find out unless you open this curtain.

Come out and live fully!

Love

Antonis

charming small

For many people playing roles is a natural way of living. In a world where everyone wants you to be someone else, you constantly transform yourself to whatever the others want to see, like a chameleon. And of course this temporarily raises your self-esteem. And I say temporarily because high self-esteem based on external conditions is not real, it’s not stable.
This is exactly the problem of the playing-roles attitude; it is the result of low self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself you don’t need to play a role, you don’t have to show that you are someone else.
And since we talk about relationships. Playing roles is the worse thing you can do in there.
Relationship is an interaction between YOU and someone else, either this is a friend, a relative, a business partner or a lover. So if YOU are not there and you have a mask on your face in order to impress or just to feel accepted, then it is not your relationship and it is not going to last for long.

You have to try hard in order to stay as the role you play. You have to remember the lies you said, the attitudes you adopted in every case, and you have to remember which personality you supposed to be for every person you meet.
The worse part is that you will live all the time in the fear that someone will expose your real identity. What you don’t know is that subconsciously everybody knows your real identity.
I know that often we admire some people for their energy, their great personality, always happy, always having fun, always powerful. If you see them in private moments though, you will see the difference. You will realize that they exhaust themselves in order to be what they show they are.
And how can you recognize that someone (even yourself) plays a role? You will hear them judging a lot. In order someone to keep the high position that the role is offering, the others have to be lower in value, therefore judged and criticized.

Playing roles is not strength it is weakness. If your relationships don’t last long, if you feel insecure every time you are with people, if every moment with the person you love is a moment of fear of being exposed, then you need help. You need to get rid of lifetime patterns telling you that YOU are not good enough so you need someone else to represent you. And if, after your real personality returns, the people you thought are close to you run away, then they were there for the role and not for you.

crowdThere are people who tell the truth, but they don’t have the speaking abilities of a professional speaker, a politician or a lawyer.
We don’t pay much attention to them and if we do we take care more of their abilities, or rather disabilities, to speak than the content of their message.

It’s more likely that these people will tell the truth, and the reason is that they don’t try to promote their style; they don’t make an effort to advertise their value they just offer it.

Most of them are highly sensitive people who feel the urge to share with the world their insights and wisdom. And in the way of thinking of many sensitives, sharing does not need style. Often they feel lonely, ignored and sorry for the world because they are sure about the value of their message, but very few listen to them.

In my opinion, the reason the professional speakers exist and need to speak in a perfect way is because we are not ready yet to listen to the content of the message, and we stay on the surface. That’s why we believe more easily someone who tells lies in a wonderful way than someone who tells the truth or offers valuable information, even in a clumsy way.

Another reason is that although the truth is pleasant is not always accepted, because it does not promise fake hopes, it is asking us to act. But if you listen with open mind it is more pleasant than the truth of the politicians or the media. It gives solutions instead of excuses for having problems.

Some may ask why do I consider the truth as being pleasant? Because when I say truth I don’t mean the aggressive judging and accusing “truth” that tells us what goes wrong and who is guilty. I am talking about the truth that gives us information on how to move to a solution instead of staying in the problem forever. The other one is not the truth, it is the realization of what was going wrong up to now, but does not give any information on how turn this wrong to become right.

The real revolution will happen when we learn to listen equally the trained speakers, who learned how to speak but sometimes they don't have much to say, and the clumsy truth tellers who may have no style but often have a lot to share.

Love

Antonis

holding handsMany people wonder why they don’t manage to be in a successful and happy relationship–marriage. They try again and again but the results are more or less the same.

On the other hand they see friends being much happier, much more relaxed and, the most important, very much accepted, respected and loved by their partners without any effort.
There are many traps that lead to the same old patterns and same old results. They are hidden well in the unconscious way of living and thinking. I am talking about the automatic reactions of a programmed mind, and we all have programs running in our mind.
These roadblocks are common attitudes, that stop you on your way to a happy, fulfilling and meaningful relationship.
Some of these roadblocks are not just sabotaging a romantic relationship but also making life difficult in general.

Sensitive people who were not fully accepted as children because of their sensitivity are more likely to have a few of these roadblocks in front of them, and since they need more to be loved and accepted they are in very difficult position.
The most important about these roadblocks, obstacles or however you call them is that they are invisible, at least from your eyes. You need someone to show them to you, but if these roadblocks are in your way you will not allow anyone to tell you about them. You even think that they are parts of your real personality. They are not! This is just an ego trap.
If however you are searching for a solution to your relationships or landed to this article accidentally (do you believe in accidents? I don’t) maybe it’s a good idea to explore these roadblocks and see if some of them are in your way to happy relationship.
The secret is that if we see them we can easily remove them!

eagle1Facing yourself is probably the most difficult part of gaining freedom. To say it in simple words, not everyone is ready to be free.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that not everyone deserves to be free, the opposite. Not only do we all deserve to be free but it’s also our obligation (metaphorically) because by setting yourself free you can pass on the message to next generations, by becoming the example, the role model.

What I want to say is that getting out of prison or getting rid of a tyrant does not mean automatically freedom. Inner slavery is more powerful and more painful. At the same time just like the external, inner slavery includes a comfort, in the form of addiction to pain and fear.

Freedom is independent of external conditions. You can be in prison and be a free bird inside yourself (remember Gandhi) or have the ability to move freely and be slave of yourself and your programs, patterns, and beliefs (just like another 6.5 billion people)
What is hard is not so much breaking the ice, getting out of the comfort of slavery, it’s staying out of it. You can take great decisions when you are excited but afterwards, when the suppressed emotions come up things get tough.
This is exactly my job, which I wouldn’t change for anything in the world, because I really love it. What I do as coach is to remind you constantly of the valuable distance you already have covered in order to be where you are (especially when desperation is present because of inner and outer difficulties), to suggest the easiest and painless way to get out of disappointment (I have great tools in my tool case) and to remind you of your greatness and the benefits of reaching your goal. No matter what the goal is, it always leads to more freedom.
If you decided to go for your freedom you have to be ready for difficulties and roadblocks. You must have made the decision that you REALLY want to move on; or else you might take a few steps forward and then fall back. You will feel that you lost something very important in your life. And it will be true.
Many people ask me if it’s possible to reach freedom by themselves, without help and support. Yes you can get out of your shell, the difficult part is to stay out and not to come back if you don’t have a voice that reminds you who you really are and what is your goal. And this is true for everyone, even me, the reminding voice for my clients, need someone to keep me accountable when challenges show up.
The truth is that no matter how many difficulties your journey may include, it is really worth taking it. And all the things that you will sacrifice and leave behind… well they are not real anyway.
Love
Antonis

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