hidingTrying to be safe in a relationship makes you often keep your partner in a distance. The imaginary, or not, fear of being hurt, abused, exploited or exposed, makes you live part of your life and not the whole thing.
The question is why did you start this relationship, to be safe or to live and enjoy it? And are you ever really safe?

If you really want to have a worthy relationship, and I guess that's why you are reading this,  you need to be fully open to your partner and this way make him/her open him/herself. On the other hand if this is impossible then you have to go away.
It doesn’t worth staying in a relationship that is based on fear, not even for the sake of the children. If you force your children to be part of a dysfunctional relationship/family they will experience this as a normal way of living; this means they will repeat the same patterns in their own relationships. This way you make more people unhappy.

Wanting to be safe is something that keeps you from living.
Of course, I don’t recommend that you go on extreme sports or stupid dangerous actions just to prove that you are alive!
What I recommend is to live your life fully, allow experiences and emotions, and grow with them. Grow together with your partner and/or your friends.

Since we are talking about highly sensitive people (HSP), a meaningful relationship is very important for a sensitive person. Many sensitives try to be safe, but this usually means depression. So being safe is not being happy.
I understand that this defense is automatic and based on experiences, but if you still want to live your life, ask for help to get rid of this automation.

Love

Antonis

driverI can hear you saying loud “But of course me!”
Maybe you will even be offended that someone asks this question.

Well it’s not sure that you are running your business, and this is very dangerous.
Who is in charge? Different programs, subconscious thoughts and beliefs, guilt, fear, selfishness, insecurity, the need to prove your value, your parents most probably, anyway the chance that you yourself are running your business is very small.

Sounds terrible? It is. Just see how many businesses close, because there is nobody there to take care of them. According to Michael Gerber (The E-Myth Revisited) 40% of the small business will close during the first year and 80% in the first five years. And after that, 80% of the surviving businesses will close down during the next five years. This means about 4% of all small businesses are still alive after 10 years; and by what means?

Are all these people incapable of keeping business in order? No, but it’s not them who run the business. It is all the mind programs I was mentioning before. They usually just stay frozen and watch.

Especially when you are a highly sensitive businessperson, and you have all these great ideas, inspiration and abilities, it’s really a shame, to see your creation (business in this case) being ruined by seemingly uncontrollable patterns.

To run a small business or a profession does not require huge effort, or sacrifices. If you still believe that this is the way just stop it now and call a coach.

The Coaching way is completely different. And you can see that in the countries where Business Coaching is highly developed, things are getting better. Of course, you have to be sure that the Business Coach is also Life Coach, or else you will hire a Business Consultant.

Business Coaching can really make the difference. We work on the business, and most important, we work on the business owner, and the people in this business, which is the opposite of consulting where they just give you a list of actions that you have to perform, without asking you if you want or if you can do them.

Business Coaching helps you remove the responsibility from all these programs and beliefs and makes you the absolute responsible for your inspiration and your success. You can finally be the boss in your company, and the leader and inspiration for your employees.

Love

Antonis

whistlerSurprise! I mean it. Many people think that controlling is power, they couldn’t be more wrong.
Power is trust, power is giving space to the talents or the strengths of the others, power is trusting that you deserve the respect of the others without terrorizing them.

One of the main cases where people try to control is parenthood. When the child is very little of course the parents have to control, because of safety and learning. But a teenager needs space to develop self-control, self-esteem and understanding of the world.

And you can see what happens when the “kids” are not kids anymore, they are grownups or even old people. In many cases parents, and especially mothers, try to control everything, and mostly little details. It’s not strange to see someone who is famous, powerful, has a Nobel prize or rules the world, and his mama will find the details to make him/her feel small, clumsy, useless and careless, like a not straight tie, the way he/she eats, cooks, drives, walks, stands or talks to his/her grand grandchildren ;-)

I believe that the last 100 years or so have been too hard for parents and especially for mothers. In many cases parents who were poor, illiterate or naïve, raised children who became powerful, wise, and full of knowledge. They felt small in front of their own creation. And the reason I say especially mothers, is that the older mothers didn’t go to schools or stopped early, didn’t develop free thinking because they were not allowed, so they feel lost in a world of strength, created by them.

So if your mother and/or your father still makes you feel stupid, weak, small or clumsy, understand them and forgive them. It’s the only way to stop this tradition in your family, which can be a small but important contribution to a freethinking world. And if it’s you who do it to your children, understand and forgive yourself and stop it now. Trust that you children can take care of themselves and that they have the right to have their own experiences.

Love

Antonis

statueEvery really wise person will ask this question: do you prefer to be right or happy? Well most of us prefer to be right even if unhappiness is coming from this desire. And I can understand this.
First of all this is a world built on attack and defense. Everything is based on right or wrong, there are always wars running in many parts of this planet, and everything has to do with who is right and who is not.
Then it is the idea that by defending yourself you will survive and since life is unfair you always need to fight for survival.
Yes! The experience of all the people who fight for survival, or for being right is that people constantly fight them back. So according to their experience they are right.

Sometime, my wife and me decided to stop fighting for proving right, either between us or with the rest of the world. It was not easy in the beginning; people around us and especially our children didn’t believe us, but every day it’s getting easier.
The result is that the external attacks are getting less and less, and since we don't fight back they are stopping. And between us we know now that every problem has one or more solutions that usually come just a few minutes later, not days or weeks.

So it’s just a decision. If you decide step-by-step, day-by-day, in your relationships, to just stop defending yourself you will see things changing miraculously.

I hear you saying that it’s not easy! How do you know, did you try?
And of course if you don’t manage yourself ask for help, it’s your right to be happy!

Love

Antonis

labeledMost of us look at people and immediately stick a label on them. Beautiful, blond, fat, silly, strong, arrogant, dark… and we stick them without knowing anything about these people.

Of course, I believe that the first impression is very important and if the intuition is offering the insight and the information then it is absolutely true.

But intuition doesn’t put labels. Labels are put by the ego.
Intuition does not judge, just gives information. Ego judges, trying to make others feel bad, in order to make us feel good (!!!).

Many think that they are smart by putting labels; there is a whole way of thinking where you are cool by just judging everybody around.
Well that’s not cool.

First of all you lose the real value of people around you and the chance to get something they can offer.
Then, since it’s easy to judge vulnerable people, you make them feel small and worthless while they have a lot to give. Seemingly vulnerable people, like highly sensitive (hsp) are in reality walking miracles, and they have so much to offer when this world finally accepts them.

Be advanced! Get these offers first by exploring the people others reject. This is much cooler!

Train yourself to stop sticking labels. At all!
Then you will see a lot of value where there were labels before.

Love

Antonis

school1Bill Gates made a list of 11 things they don’t teach in school. I agree with a few of them, not for the reasons he mentioned though. These are with Bill's numbering:

1 Life is not fair…get used to it.
Well, it's not! Waiting for justice in order to become happy you will just see life slipping through your hands.

10 Television is NOT real life.
Not only because in real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to work, as Bill says, but also because television is business and people get paid to play or say certain things. Most of them are lies, you don’t have to believe them.

11 Be nice to nerds. Bill gives as reason that “chances are you’ll end up working for one” but my explanation is that nerds have some way of thinking that is much different than macho or ego driven pupils (or not pupils). All the “smart” people in school or out of it think that nerds are serving the system, but the ones who serve and reproduce the system are the ones who play with the rules, let's say with the rules of the bullies, in order to survive or to be loved and accepted, by other bullies in this case. Many nerds are sensitives (hsp) who still explore life, and they are more open-minded that you can imagine.

And this brings us to the next thing they don’t teach in school and it’s not also in the list of Bill. Love.
Not only the romantic love but love in general. You will hear your teacher telling you with very emotional voice how much he or she loves you, but they will never tell you what is love. Of course, they don’t know themselves because they were never taught.
If they knew what really love is they would have to accept you just the way you are, especially as child, you would discover that you are perfect love yourself, and they are afraid that they would lose control over you. This of course because they think they have control over you, in reality they don’t even have control over themselves.

Next thing is money.
Of course, they teach you how to count it, what change to take if you go to the super market, and also that money doesn’t grow on trees and you have to work hard to get it, which is a lie.
But they never talk about what money is and how it is created. This is something they teach, usually off the record, in economic universities making students feel proud that they know such a naughty secret.
Well, money is not what people think and the teachers don’t know (and don’t suppose to know) themselves.

Another thing is sex. It’s not only the taboo, it’s not the fear of being exposed in front of little children, it is because a balanced sexual life and an opinion about sex, not one that under- or over-values it, is something that can free your mind. The people who created education don’t want this, and the people who teach, or at least most of them, don’t have free mind.

Actually there are lots of things they don’t teach in schools or anywhere else, including family. You have two options now, the one is to believe everything they say and offer, the other is search by yourself and find out what is happening out there.
I recommend the second even if in the beginning will give you a lot of anger. But if you do it out of love and don't stick to the anger, at the end it will liberate you.

Some people say that by taking care of conspiracy theories you make them real. I say that most conspiracy theories are real. You give them value if either you get angry and fight them or ignore them and live as they program you to.
Freedom is to know what is real and what is not, and chose every moment to play real life, angry or victim. Slavery is to think you are free while you are constantly angry and victim.

Love

Antonis

PS. Here is the huge contribution to this freedom by life coaches. Some people think that they are just like all professionals, trying to sell you something you don’t need. They couldn’t be more wrong. What they don’t know is how open the minds of those people are, how liberating was the time they were taught how to coach by being coached, and how they can contribute to your freedom. I see my clients after a few sessions how surprised they look from the changes they could never imagine in their minds and their lives.

superkissAs I said when I was talking about roadblock 3, sacrifice, the meaning of a relationship is “I accept you exactly as you are” and not “I want you to change”. This is why expecting something from the person you connect with, almost always leads to disappointment and pain.
To my opinion expectation is a highly conservative attitude. You expect someone to be a certain way when you cannot stand anything different from what you are or what you have experienced in your life. You are not open to explore life and anything new.
Just observe almost everything living on earth. Every creature, every species tries to be complete by “meeting” the opposite or supplementary. Can you see that trying to change someone in order to feel safe is against this natural way?

But I’m not asking you to control your behavior. I will never ask you this!

Great expectations are there because of insecurity, and it is a desire to control your world. In reality, it is the belief that you don’t deserve to have good things in your life, so you try to control everything in order to get them. Of course, you couldn’t trust that your friends or your lover are on your side.

I may sound like a broken record but there is also low self-esteem involved in this behavior. And it’s quite simple, if your self-esteem and your self-appreciation were high you wouldn’t even think that you don’t deserve the best, and of course whatever your partner offers is always the best. Not because you are in love with him/her but because you are in love with yourself and you enjoy everything appearing in your life.

If you have experienced difficulties in your relationships up to now, and your expectations are never fulfilled, is because you just need to drop them and enjoy what is there.

That means you need to work on your self-esteem and nothing else. You don’t have to change anybody, not even yourself, you just need to accept yourself and you will see happiness coming miraculously day-by-day.

You may have many questions and even doubts; just contact me to talk about it.

Love

Antonis

samson3The biggest traps in business if you are highly sensitive (hsp) are the programs that run in the back of your head. Sensitive people develop these programs because they tend to believe everything when they are children, and they are very vulnerable to judgment and abuse.
On the other hand the greatest gifts of a sensitive person in business are, inspiration, intuition, love for adventure, exploring and creating new business opportunities.
As you can see there are many more gifts than traps, so why the failure is so possible to happen?
These little programs can cause one of the worse enemies to a sensitive business person, and this is low self-esteem.

A sensitive child is very likely to be judged or teased by parents, teachers or relatives, because when a sensitive child explores the world and life, develops ideas that are not being understood by everyone. Although these ideas can be the seeds of a future genius, they sound very silly to the people who have an established view of the world (you know, fear of life and the future). And of course they will not miss a chance to express this. You know this pattern, when someone doesn’t understand something tries to show that the one who does is stupid. A sensitive child is a very easy target.

The result is that this child will not feel safe getting out in life.
Of course will grow up, will develop a lot of abilities, all these gifts will come up and help the sensitive person to, not only survive but live an extraordinary life.
Until the mind programs appear and sabotages everything.
This sabotage can take many forms. Stopping an action that leads to success, creating the conditions for failure, fighting with partners or persons that are keys to success, bringing the ego in front and destroying everything that has been created up to that point, even start suffering from a depression for no obvious reason.

I heard this story about Richard, a very good and sincere businessman, who had all the knowledge and the strength to build up a business and make it successful.
But every time he reached the point of breaking through to real success something happened that brought major financial losses and even lead to bankruptcy.

He hired a business coach who helped him uncover the limiting programs that were working in his subconscious mind: his father had died of a heart attack at the peak of his business success. Richard was child then, and his subconscious mind had connected his father’s success with his death. So, in order to stay alive himself, he needed to sabotage his business. Once he could see these connections he could let go of this limiting program and move on.

So this is not the end of the world. Programs, patterns, and limiting beliefs have power only as long as you ignore them. The moment you look at them and recognize them they start dissolving. And in the case of Richard a coach was the perfect help to help him see these little problems that caused a lot of damage.

The most important is that you cannot see these programs with bare eye. You can see only the results in your business and your life, and then it’s usually too late.
You need tools in order to see them in time, and coaching is the best tool.

Love

Antonis

head in sandThere are two ways to deal with your sensitivity. The one is to see it as a gift, to develop it and learn how to use it for living; the other is to use it as an excuse for hiding.

I see many people legalizing procrastination using sensitivity as an excuse.
To make things clear, my job is to help people who want to move forward.
I'm not working on your “problems”, that means I coach you WHILE YOU ARE LIVING and not by stopping life to talk about it.
I'm not going to legalize your whining I will support you to drop it.
I'm not going to accept that you are a victim, even if you have all the proofs in the world that you are.
I'm not going to help you feel good about your suffering. No way!

You have the right to NOT suffer, to NOT be afraid of life, to NOT protect yourself from joy.
I know that positive thinking is against these expressions, but sometimes it’s good to shout about the negativities we want to get rid of.
So if you want me to help you move towards happiness and worthy living (does this sound positive enough?), before starting with me you have to be sure that:
1)    You are free to decide about your life and your destiny,
2)    You are nobody’s victim,
3)    You are responsible for your life, and ready to make it better,
4)    Your sensitivity is your strength and you are ready to learn how to use it for yourself, and the people you want to serve.
Sometimes our life experience is full of “knowledge” about who we are and what is our value. Good coaching helps to get rid of these ideas of the past and reset the mind from all the programs and patterns coming from them. This is exactly the meaning of moving forward.

Love

Antonis

superboyIn 1996 Elaine Aron created the term “Highly Sensitive Person” or HSP to describe and study a great part of the population (and also of higher animals) that has a different way to deal with stimuli, information, thoughts and emotions. This term is neither metaphysical nor spiritual, is very practical and very scientific and has to do with psychology.
Of course for many people this was a connection to spiritual terms, like “light worker”, “indigo” and “crystal”, and this makes sense because all the people who are considered to be able to understand and receive delicate vibrations can only be highly sensitive. If you agree or not with those terms is another story, it’s rather your relationship with spirituality.
The only thing I disagree is the characterization of some people as “special” because being special is being limited. Someone who is special must always take care of the image and the concept which represents, and for someone who has already a lot of information coming through this fine-tuned body and mind it’s a heavyweight.

Special is a term that I don’t agree, in every level. Many people consider themselves as special just because they have money, beauty, high IQ, luck, abilities for one or the other thing, you know, good drivers, good lovers, good cooks etc. But if you try to be special using one thing as excuse you may appear as ordinary or even less than that in other fields.
The worse thing, especially for highly sensitive children, is when the parents try to show them, and everyone else, how special they are. I see parents very proud about their child being smart, very good pupil, indigo or crystal, strong or beautiful.
This is the best way to burn your child out.
I have millions of examples and also personal experience on this.
Being special can attract admiration but can also create isolation and envy. Too much weight for a child, especially a sensitive child.

Treat everyone as ordinary and let them decide what to do with their gifts themselves. Consider the “special” gifts as something natural and not as something metaphysical. Let them enjoy the benefits of having abilities and share them with everyone. Everyone has an extra ability.
Ask for help or advice.

Everyone’s body and everything around it is limited by default, even if it’s “special”.
Everyone’s spirit is perfect and unlimited anyway.

Love

Antonis

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