quiet1Highly sensitive people can easily change their lives, start a new profession or evolve fast using every given opportunity. Of course this happens when they are healthy and didn't develop neuroses from the constant abuse they had as sensitive children.
Of course, they can always get rid of them, but this is another story.

But the paradox is that they often complain when things are changing too fast around them, so they cannot concentrate.

Of course, this does not mean that they cannot function in instability, no matter how much HSP complain, can always function, can be very efficient, they won't feel good inside them though.

There are several reasons for this need for stability, the obvious one is that they need a stable ground for stepping if they want to perform major changes. And you don't have to be HSP to need this.

But there is another one, deeper and more spiritual reason.
The Sensitive people have a close connection with the spirit, either if they are aware of it or not. And the spirit, our real nature is stable. Doesn't evolve, doesn't change, is eternal, has no beginning or end, haven't been born and will never die and has nothing to do with everything that is unstable, anything from this world.

So this memory of our real nature makes the HSP more efficient and feeling more secure. When the conditions are close to the spirit's conditions they really feel at home and can perform miracles.

And don't hurry to comment that we are too sensitive, as you always do, just think that the need for these conditions is the need for being connected with the one, and the one is all of us, you included (either you want it or not). So it is our future, or to be precise, in a timeless world, like the real one, our eternity.



positive1It is a fashion of the last 20 years that became a great life guide especially after the movie and the book "the secret" came out. It is a new age movement with the idea that if you are thinking a positive way you will have positive results.
It is actually twisting the "law of attraction" with an extremely simplistic way (the real law doesn't say anything like this).

What is the philosophy? You just tell yourself that everything is fine and everything will be fine.
Did you ever see this happening? Stuff happens all the time even if the thoughts are extremely positive. I mean people get hurt and die, nobody ever became immortal by thinking positive.

Of course religion was an old teacher of this method of thinking, or rather avoiding thinking. When something was wrong "God would make it fine". If not "it was His will".

Another twisted source of the positive thinking is the famous "fake it till you make it" but this has other use too. People who challenge themselves, athletes, business people, maybe people who have health problems, pretend that they are already where they want to be and this way they often, not always, manage to achieve their goals. But this philosophy has a realistic aspect, people act, also they know what the reality is, and they know that they play. Well most of them. So it can also be fun.

But this famous idea that the universe will serve you like a butler and whatever you want is in your hands has nothing to do with reality.

Unfortunately this way of thinking, since it gives a lot of hope to people who don't want to move a finger, not to say something bigger and more round, is used as an advertisement by many coaches, trainers, motivators and marketers who have also no other tools, or, in reality, they are too lazy to create.

So our world is suddenly full of affirmations, positive thoughts saying (wishing) that all things are alright, that there is no problem, actually a big pile of dirt covered with a great looking cover. And the best places for sharing this nonsense are the social media. You get lots of likes because people like to think that everything is okay even if.... anyway.

Of course what you think changes things, if you think always of accidents you will have often accidents, even if you don't cause them yourself, but this can be explained scientifically.
The right side of the brain, the non-logical, interprets every negative thought, even double negatives, as an invitation to trouble. A phrase "I want no problems" contains two negatives, for the left brain it's positive but for the right brain the one negative does not cancel the other. So it thinks that this is what you want. Also if you always complain you attract more problems, more reasons to complain, but this is not magic or coming from the universe.

So let's be realistic, S*** happen. All the time.

Now that we know the truth we can put our common sense in front and see what does this means for us. Or as a marketer says "what's in it for me?"

When terrible things happen:
The negative thinker has every reason to feel bad, therefore they are happy!
The positive thinker says that everything will be alright soon, or nothing bad happens. If they admit that something is wrong they will use another method they learned that when things happen they are doing something wrong (a wrong thought passed in the chamber or sterile thoughts) or they are terrible people, or more often, since this is not positive, that some terrible person was influencing them.
The common sense thinker says: of course things are bad but I can grow, learn, get wiser, get better, get stronger, see clearly, realize who is my real friend and who not, gain skills, learn to do things alone, become an expert on something, not do the same mistake next time.

When they feel bad:
Negative thinker is happy again, reason to complain and feel bad, as he feels anyway.
The positive thinker will try to avoid the thoughts and feelings, covering them with the regular methods, alcohol, drugs, TV, sex, general busyness, or feeling bad but pretending that all is well.
The common sense thinker thinks: it's just a feeling, it will change, I learn to listen to my feelings, or... well i feel bad this moment so what? Not the first not the last time.

So you get an idea what is the difference between different philosophies.
The trouble with common sense is that it's not very spectacular so people cannot think that it is important, while the others include, either a sense that you are a victim, so someone may pity you... maybe even have sex with you to comfort you, or magic, universe bending and bowing, or even conspires, the most famous, and makes you think again that you are the center of it.

So my sensitive friend, you have no excuse, your mind works 24/7, you are not lazy, you are full of ideas and thoughts, often creative, you find strange the way other people are thinking. You don't have a lazy mind, so get out of the need of magic.
The universe is a cold hostile place where things and people get born and die. It's not your servant or your co-conspirator.



someonespecial1Sometimes when you meet someone, from the first moment you know that this person is going to play a powerful role in your life.

Unlike other cases where your ego tells you to rush, to try hard to contact or get closer to this person, in this case you feel very relaxed. You are not in a hurry, you are not trying hard or playing games to get closer. You feel confident and you know that getting closer is inevitable.

Now this person may become your lover or your spouse, some special friend or will offer you a valuable challenge, an advice or just an inspiration for your life, sometimes without being aware of it.

The problem is that we often get deceived by fake excitements, usually coming from our wishful thinking (I wish he/she was my lover or partner) or from their wishful thinking, many people are addicted to impressing others.

For a real cases though you don't have many things to do yourself, if you just follow your intuition, all the instructions coming to your mind or your body, your impulse, because this person is just part of it. It's like they and you have a secret plan and everything is coming to place the right moment.

Sometimes though our brain and/or our ego jumps in the middle of the way trying to control things and actually take over. This is not easy because our intuition is very strong in these cases, but many times in our lives we didn't hear our intuition, and then we had some not so good results.

For these cases I have a few tips, coming from my observation and from discussing with other people, friends or clients, about how to recognize the special person coming into your life.

1. When you meet them for the first time you can have powerful signs, maybe a dejavue or a feeling that something important is going to happen or happening.
2. You always have good feelings when they are present or mentioned. If something feels wrong they are not special.
3. As I mentioned before, you just calm down and every sense of rush goes away, no stress for trying to create a relationship, like everything is taken care of and when the time is right things will happen as they should.
4. Often you observe an unusual friendliness from the other side, since they are feeling the same feelings.
5. The most important, this person seems familiar and you are trying to remember where do you know them.

In cases of Highly Sensitive this bond is very strong. The people who feel everything powerfully have very strong emotions in case someone special enters their lives and very often physical stimuli. And for HSPs these meetings are very important because they can find finally someone to communicate their way of thinking that not many people understand.

So when someone enters your life just relax, if they are coming for you, things will happen as they should. There is no way to do something wrong.



waves1In order to understand this we have to explain what the brainwave frequencies are . We are talking about the functioning frequency of the brain which varies according to the conditions and/or the type of person.

These are Beta, Alpha, Theta and Delta.

Delta 0,5-4 Hz is the state of the deep dreamless sleep, there is no consciousness there, at least not when this is the main wave pattern.
Theta 4-7 Hz, is the REM sleeping condition where dreams appear, or in case of being awake, the very deep relaxing state.
Alpha 7-14 Hz, is the relaxing mode, usually comes immediately when the eyes are closing.
Beta 14->21 Hz is the everyday awake functioning mode, where the brain analyzes, works hard and tries to survive.
In the 2 middle ones the person is more connected with subconscious mind and intuition.

What many people don't know is that except of the main frequency, the brain functions also in harmonics. Part of it may function in Beta and another part in Theta which makes easy inspiration and intuition in everyday life, take wise decisions in business or in a relationship and be relaxed in a stressful situation.

Another thing many people don't know is that the main frequency of the sensitive peoples' brain is low, usually Alpha or Theta and has harmonics in Beta for being aware of the world.
One example is, if you are a sensitive person, when you are driving you are in a very relaxing state (of course not the first months after you get the license) and while the hands and the feet are doing what they do automatically, the brain is calculating the position of the cars and other objects or subjects around in space and time, you have actually nothing to do. It's kind of automatic process. And it's exactly the way of driving that causes the least accidents if any, because in this state intuition functions very well too and you can avoid troubles if you listen to it.
The trouble is that non HSP in this state are in danger to sleep.

My experience was, once I went to visit some friends, about 3 hours driving from home, and they had a new espresso machine, so I had 3 coffees. The trouble was that on my way back my brain was in so high frequency that the trip was a huge effort. I had to think of every movement of hands and feet, to check every moment the position and directions of the cars around me because the automatic system was not functioning. I arrived at home so exhausted and the same time unable to sleep because of the coffee.

So under normal conditions HSPs are living mainly in Alpha or Theta frequencies without sleeping and this is where sensitivity comes from. It's also the reason for often losing attention to what they do and appear to have all these "disorders".

Coffee and power drinks are not the best for sensitive people. Since they are not made for living in high Beta they get tired very soon and they lose all the abilities that sensitivity offers. Maybe it makes easier to be focused on things, like using Ritalin, but there is no use for it because if you have your attention on what you are doing but lacking the inspiration you are not very effective.

So under normal conditions sensitive people are in low frequency state, and in this state they can be relaxed, creative, inspired and feeling at home. They also have high self-esteem and a lot of power.
But if a sensitive person is trying to correct this condition, with drugs or thoughts, trying to fit in a non-natural or unwanted way of life, just for pleasing others, or has been abused and rejected, verbally or physically, then things are getting difficult. And in this case we have the so called neurotic type of sensitive people, who feel always like victims, everything is annoying and the world is the worse place to live.

Sensitivity is a natural thing and under natural conditions is at ease and fully functioning. And the brain frequencies are also part of this nature. So when you experience difficulties instead of trying to change your nature, because others are telling you so, change the environment and your way of life.

Let's put it this way, if you try to turn a lion into vegan, will suffer and die.



maskedThis is a funny question asked by a coach.
Coaching is the best way, today, to bring your real self on the surface, by removing all the additional personalities you had to adopt all these years.
Especially for a highly sensitive person, the non-acceptance of your uniqueness made you play roles and keeping some of them as your real personalities. In this case you need more than anyone else to discover your real self and bring him up.

But often this is not enough.

There is a possibility that your real self hasn't seen the light of the sun for many years, most probably since your childhood. So if you bring him up most probably will be shocked because there are not many genuine selves available in this world.
So playing roles and adopt other personalities had some meaning. It was a very good disguise in a costume party!

So what is out there?

Let's assume that you made all the effort and you revealed your real personality. And when you expect to see a wonderful free world, this is the only thing you don't find.
scared turtle in shellYou meet people who stand hesitating between thought and decisions. People who although they have the power to change the world with one word if they turn it into action, just stop and hide in their shells leaving their promises hanging there.
You meet people with strong and powerful personalities who, when things get tough, run fast back to their usual addictions, especially the one of the victim, and they gather around them, again, people forcing them to have certain behaviors, or emotions.
You also meet the ultimate paranoia. People with antisocial behavior who rule, command and by having around them satellites without personality or own will they abuse and damage.
The last one I saw recently in a school yard, where the sociopathy is not hiding behind suits and ties.

So the result is that, when you have no armor anymore and you are pure, vulnerable and in your natural state, people you have met are completely wrong for being around you. They cannot support you and in all your moments you need support they will just leave you alone.

So why be yourself?

The reason is that being yourself is for you and not for the others. You cannot ignore them, but they are not your guides and your role models. At least not the ones you met while wearing your mask. Because all these years, with your mask, you gathered wrong people, people who loved the mask and not you. Well, they thought that the mask was you, exactly as you thought that their mask was them.

Does it worth then being yourself if it's so difficult and so full of problems?

It depends on you.

I'm sure that you often hear people advertising "self-improvement", the wonderful life and the incredible advantages you will have after you get rid of your fake personalities. And this is true but the advertisement does not include the work and the "sacrifices" you have to make.
The work is much and serious. The sacrifices are fake but this you will know only after you do them. Because when you really make the effort, you will see that what you sacrificed was not real and/or was not yours.

To get rid all of these you have to be prepared for a brand-new life.
A real life!
Often in this real life there are moments that look lonely and if you are not ready to have next to you your one and only 100% real friend, yourself, then you may suffer.

On the other hand, to stay in your old conventional life, where you accept mediocrity, especially yours, in order to fit in, where you have to minimize your value just to make it fit in a small box that many call life, well... I don't know if it's worth it.

When you decide to go for freedom, people around you, the real people, your real friends, can be co-pilots only for small parts of your way. They will show you your real image as mirrors, not masked or made up, including all the little or big flaws that you have to accept and correct.

Flattery and judgment don't fit there.

The decision is yours, and yours only!



Tree of Life

I have to say that sensitivity had no place in the primitive world. Why that?
Nature needs strength. Physical strength. All the species in order to remain strong in a very competitive environment were always trying to reproduce the genes of the strongest and the most durable and tough.
This way, the world was full of brutal force, even within the species and in many cases this is the way it remains.

When the big males with the unbreakable horns and the strong muscles are fighting for reproduction, there is not space for sensitivity and creativity.

Don't take me wrong, sensitivity doesn't mean weakness, there is strength there and often seems to be brutal. But a sensitive person has another way of thinking and often this strength is not used for brutality.

If you observe history, the greatest idols of the old times were warriors, heroes, kings and gods or semi-gods.
Women didn't have much value at that time, except as jealous partners and sexual slaves or as mothers of some idol. All the old fashion religions, most of them still exist today, have a very bad idea about women. And in the kingdom of animals, even when the females are strong (lions, tigers etc), they still have to stay behind when the male is present.

So nature needs the strongest genes and requires the males to compete and prove that they are strong.

The problem is that brutal force and preservation of the species are not the best agents for change and evolution. This usually happens through accidental mutations or, sometimes, by the daring ones who deal with change without being afraid of it.
Yes, the people who really changed the world seemed to be weak. In most cases they didn't participate in fights and wars, they were spending time alone thinking or being inspired, they were suggesting things that could make even the most powerful warrior feel uncomfortable, because the most powerful people are afraid of changes.

The future will come with some surprises because sometime everything will change. Both sensitivity and strength will be tools for growth and survival and will stop being the subconscious weapons for power.
The different will be accepted, this already started, and the reason many complain that something is wrong with this world, is because many are outside of this mindset and can see it now, in the past they were just parts of it.
What seems to be weak but in reality is the real power of mankind, will be not only respected but also given space to rule. All the highly sensitive people, even the very extreme cases, women who are now in deep trouble when something brutal happens, children, old people, wise but seemingly very weak.

And when this happens completely, when everyone will be able to accept everything and take the best out of it without judging it or destroying it, then this world will have reached its destination.
As Douglas Adams says:
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

I don't think it will be replaced by anything, when this happens we will just find our real nature.



leaderespecially the ones who don't know, or they forgot that they are.

Visionary leader is someone who doesn't rely only on analytical knowledge, experience and information to lead. The greatest tools of a visionary leader is intuition, inspiration and love.
A visionary leader doesn't need to push things, doesn't need to command, he/she just leads or shows the way.

Highly Sensitive people make perfect visionary leaders, in fact, I'm sure that every real visionary leader in the past, in small or great scale, was HSP.

Most of the visionary leaders today are trying to cover the vision behind logic and practical methods, because they know that if they reveal their real leading nature they will not be accepted. In fact, they prefer to declare astrology than intuition as their source.

I'm not intending to analyze much the value of this kind of leadership, I'm more interested to speak to the ones who suspect that they have the talent to be, or intuitively they follow their heart, but always thinking that they are wrong.

There are many people among us who, while they are visionary, they never managed to be leaders (not with the meaning of bosses but rather guides). And this is a great loss for everyone because the one who leads or guides based on intuition or inspiration and not on (usually corrupt) logic, can give real valuable solutions locally or globally.

The attributes of a visionary leader are, open mind and it is open to every thought, no matter how irrational it may sound, profound perception of reality, understanding and acceptance of people around them, even if they have another way of thinking and a strong sense of purpose.

So you are born leader? Maybe under other circumstances you could lead or guide? The real reason that you are disarmed is because your self-esteem is very low. You receive all the time messages from within about how things should be but according to your experience if you share your ideas you will be in great trouble. The problem is that during your childhood you were not accepted, not understood and you stepped back to let the "grownups" take care.

My instructions are

  • You don't need to be accepted in order to have value.
  • What you feel and possibly suppress are all right, let them come up.
  • Every time you feel trapped inside, just remember how powerful you were feeling as child before abuse made you close yourself. If you still have difficulties just observe how children are functioning.
  • Analytical logic is not always right, common sense is.
  • People who make you feel wrong are not right (nobody who is right will make someone else feel wrong).
  • Find people who think the same way as you and exchange ideas with them.
  • Question everything they tell you, never accept anything without asking your intuition first.
  • When the time comes that something important must be done and everyone else runs away, take over. Your intuition will guide you because in emergency the doubts disappear. When emergency is over you decide what to do, but observe how the "little you" vanished that moment.
  • The part of yourself that tells you to stay aside is not yours, you have adopted it since the time they told you that you are not enough. You can get rid of it when you decide.
  • Ask for help, from someone who can accept you and let you lead the way to feel yourself again. Don't allow anyone to correct you, to use magic or suspicious mind techniques or the, so called, positive thinking. Only responsibility needs, no recipes.
  • Find time to be with yourself, create quiet moments where you can hear your inner voice and release useless thoughts and emotions.
  • The fact that you are leading never makes you superior or better.

and finally...

  • Live in the present, remember the past and plan the future, never mix them up.

With love!


angerMany clients are asking me how to deal with their anger. And, as usual, the whole discussion is around the symptom, ignoring the real reason.
And by real reason I don't mean the event or the situation that made someone angry. The real reason has to do with self-confidence, self-esteem and self-evaluation.

Let's start from the beginning, anger is just an emotion. It's not important by itself. Thousands of emotions are passing through us every moment, most of them are just getting evaporated before we are even aware of them.
The non-logical animals also have emotions, fear, joy, anger, desire, but they don't hold on to them. We, with our "logic", are trying to hold on tightly to our emotions. We are also trying to control them. And suddenly, without any warning, we are angry and whatever we try we cannot relax.

So a little theory about controlling (we wish) our emotions.
If we imagine emotions placed on a straight line, we start from the ones with very low energy and a lot of noise in the head, apathy, sadness, fear etc. and we reach on the other side emotions with very high energy, like acceptance, inner peace and freedom.
When you are in a low energy emotional state, let's say you are afraid, suddenly, because of an external cause or a decision of your own, you feel your energy raising. You move to desire and pride and suddenly anger comes!
You are ready to go higher, change your energy, your mood, your life but then you have the worst emotion of all coming and blocking you, guilt!
You see, in all our social conventions, religion, morality, rules of society, of friendship or of relationship, anger is a terrible thing. Anger is unacceptable and dangerous.
The result is that after the thing that made you feel good, your energy raised and you felt alive again, you have to be again the good old person everybody knows. Peaceful, quiet, relaxed, or so it seems. In reality, you are back to your low energy, to your noisy head and to the good boy/girl everyone loves. Full of fear, sadness or depression.
Congratulation, your anger is defeated. Or not?

In reality anger is still there, under the skin, poisoning you and everyone around you with cynicism, bad mood, meanness and unpleasant comments.

Let's see it metaphorically. We assume that you are at point A, sadness, and you want to travel to point C, inner peace, freedom. On your way is point B, a place where is more pleasant than sadness but not as good as inner peace. It is anger. You don't have any intention of staying there but it's just a spot on your way. But every time you reach this point, instead of going on to point C, you just return to point A. And this happens again and again.

Anger is not as important as they tell us. It's just a tool for survival and its duration, originally, is very short. In natural world it's a protection against intruders, anyone or anything that threatens you, often protects a moment of relaxation or sleep, something that your body knows it needs.
In our unnatural world anger is against imaginary threats and enemies, hypothetical disturbances and fictional dangers.

What can you do?
1. Relief work. Accept your anger every time you feel it coming. Don't judge it, don't fight it and don't share it, unless with someone you really trust. Imagine it getting huge and dangerous, imagine yourself furious, and slowly let it lose it's power. Oh, yes! It will, it always does.
2. Foundation work. Find out and expose all your imaginary fears and enemies, people or situations. Discover them, observe them and realize that they are not real. Because they are not. All these thoughts about events in the future, sometimes even in the past, are your fictional enemies. Watch them in your mind and try to find if there is a real reason to be afraid or angry (usually there is not, if there is take care of it).
3. Life work. When you feel angry and you manage to accept your anger and the guilt that goes with it, just move on. This is exactly the reason why you shouldn't share your anger with people around you, because they will try to make you feel guilty again. Just let your emotions do what they know doing and allow yourself to go higher.

Remember, your final destination is not to prove to anyone that you are a good person. Your final destination is to feel self acceptance, free and in peace.

With love and acceptance (on whichever part of your way you are)


wisdom2In our society we learn that wisdom, or rather smartness is to manage to be someone who you are not. In the family, the school, among friends, in the profession or job, everyone tries to prove that they are someone else. Some role-model whose achievements are trying to reach.
But there is a great difference between doing what someone else does and being someone else!

Being someone or something else, takes away the energy and the strength that what you really are has. Your unique powers and smartness that nature gave you from your birth.
A highly sensitive for example has so many abilities and special powers that this sensitivity gives. It can be a unique way of thinking that gives great ideas about art or science, it can be the love for the world or the people, it can be the persistence for reaching a goal.
But most important is the ongoing and constant connection with intuition and inspiration that gives a non ending amount of information and ideas.

The reason I use the words "what you really are" and not "who you really are" is because I want to include also the natural state, mindset or characteristics, like sensitivity.

If you lost the ability to be what or who you are, because you have abused it throughout the years, there are always ways to reconnect and regain it. But this means that you have to abandon what you think you are and you might need some help with this.



marketThe first time I heard "Highly Sensitive" I also took it wrong, my impression was that they were talking about problematic people who take everything very heavily and are too emotionally. When they told me that I am also one, I was ready to explode, (well, maybe they are not completely wrong).
Slowly I understood the concept and the reasons HSPs are often too emotional.

Okay let's take things from the beginning.
Highly sensitive is someone who can feel, understand or sense much more than most people do. And HSPs are not rare, about 15-20% of the people and many animals share the same attributes.

Of course, we are not talking about special people, every person in this world belongs to a group that has something more developed than the average people. Can have higher IQ, super memory, luck, beauty, intuition and I'm sure that in the future they will find more charisma that some percentage of people share.

But it sounds different to say "highly smart" than "highly sensitive". If I could only count all the times I heard the phrase "you are too sensitive" about me or others. And I'm sure that I have said it myself to others, meaning of course that someone is overreacting to something not so important.

But who am I, or who are you, to decide what is important for someone else? How can you know someone else's life, what is happening in their mind or why something so small, like a word or a gesture, can really change someone's reality? And often it can.

So let's find the real meaning of sensitivity since the term is already in use since long.
Sensitivity is the ability to understand, feel or sense, deeply, profoundly and with many details things most people don't even see. The ability to feel someone else's emotions and to be empathetic even if they don't want to, to get messages from intuition if something is good or bad for them, to understand what's happening by observing just a few details. Often the ability to give solutions out of the box, just because they don't understand what this box is.

To understand the real meaning, imagine a very sensitive photo film that can function in very low light conditions, where other films just show darkness, or imagine a very sensitive radio receiver that gets signal from distant countries, something a usual radio receiver cannot do.

The reason why sensitivity has been connected with disorders is because it can turn to a disorder when someone has been abused, physically, verbally or emotionally. And if you observe around you, how sensitive children are being treated in schools or families, how someone with different ideas is considered to be stupid in a working environment, or how they have invented disorders and also have created medicines that kill the sensitivity and make a gifted person to act like normal, if it's ever possible.

So if you have people around you and you suspect that they are sensitive, help them to love what they are after learning how to recognize and how to do that.
If you think you are one, learn how to use your gifts the best way, for you and people around you.

Do you think you have a choice?




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